An Angel Among Pirates
by masterctarl
Summary: Shonenai: GinSanji. Gin's POV: Gin's thoughts during and after his fight with Sanji. Somewhere along the lines he realizes that his feelings run deeper than he thought for the cook. Warnings: Shonenai, language, light violence. Disclaimer: Don't own


Gin:

An Angel among Pirates

I don't know what came over me. I was in the zone, ready to pay back that stupid cook for all the trouble he was causing Don Krieg and the crew. I could smell his blood, see his pain, feel his bones giving away, and I loved it all. So, why? Why couldn't I kill him? Why did I look at his face and suddenly feel paralyzed?

I guess I was just desperate to remind myself of why I was going to bash Sanji's head in when I yelled, "Lousy cook!" But still, I couldn't do it. And I finally remembered why. So I let him go, and, as if it justified my sudden disregard of Don Krieg's orders, I screamed exactly what I was thinking, "I CAN'T DO IT! DON KRIEG! I can't kill this man!"

I kept seeing it in my head, through my open eyes, the kindness he'd shown to me when I was thrown out of the restaurant. He gave me food, free of charge, for my starving stomach. He listened to me, even tried to cheer me out of my hunger-induced depression. I blinked and looked back at Sanji. He stared back up at me, confusion painted over his blood-soaked face. And I was crying. Crying because I not only betrayed Don Krieg, but before even that I'd betrayed the only real friend I ever made.

I tried to reason with Don. Tried to convince him to spare the ship and its crew. I knew Don Krieg would punish me for my disobedience, but I wasn't fully prepared for what he decided my punishment would be. Don announced that I was no longer a pirate for his crew and ordered that I drop my gasmask when he launched the MH5.

I couldn't believe my ears. The rubber kid attacked Don Krieg, but I wasn't paying much attention. I was staring at my mask, trying to think of what I should do. I looked at the mask, at Don, at the crew, and finally at Sanji. God, that look he gave me haunts me even now. A look I can barely describe, as if he was afraid for me…afraid that I'd listen to Don Krieg; that I'd give up my life. But that was a stupid thought to me at the time; no one ever cared about whether I lived or died. 'Then again,' I thought, 'before I met Sanji no one even cared enough to listen to me.' And once again, unknown emotions threatened to rear their ugly heads.

"Gin!" the rubber boy yelled, snapping me out of my trance. Forgive me; his name escapes me at the moment. "Don't obey that pansy Krieg! I'm gonna clobber him!" No matter how much it hurt that Don wanted to kill me, it infuriated me to hear anyone talk about the man I idolized like that.

"Hey, brat! Don't belittle Don Krieg!" I yelled at the kid. I don't care if he's made of rubber or iron; no one talks about Don Krieg like that! "Don Krieg is the mightiest man alive," I said, suddenly feeling like I was trying to convince myself of this. "A runt like you could never defeat him."

"Wake up, Gin!" Sanji shouted, grabbing my arm. I could feel his pain in his grasp, how much it hurt him just to sit up. I couldn't bring myself to look at him because I knew I'd break down again at the sight of what I did to him. "Your hero's trying to kill you!"

"Of course," I reasoned as calmly as I could. "I'm a coward who let foolish sentiment get in the way of duty!" Wait, sentiment? Was that the word to describe what I felt when I looked at Sanji? No matter, I let a feeling I couldn't even begin to describe distract me from what was really important: my captain's orders. "I deserve to die!" I couldn't believe that came out of my mouth as I threw my only gasmask into the sea.

"Why?" Sanji asked, stunned that I'd die at Don Krieg's will. Wasn't Sanji willing to die for Zeff, the man he considered like a surrogate father? But then again, he was willing to die to _protect_ Zeff and the floating restaurant. Then a thought occurred. I should have never dropped the mask into the sea! Even if I had every intention of dying, Sanji didn't deserve it!

Don Krieg launched the MH5, the pirates were pulling on their gasmasks, the cooks were diving, and I was desperately trying to think of a way to save Sanji's life. I had no intention of trying to escape myself, but Sanji had no choice in his condition. I could have thrown him in the water with his chef buddies, but he was too weak to swim. "Unh!" I heard him groan, trying to get up, "I'm too weak to move." He was shaking from the strain.

"Here, you guys!" the rubber boy yelled. Sanji and I looked and saw a pair of gasmasks flying our way. Sanji reached for one, but I snatched the one he was reaching for and tossed it back to the rubber boy, who was desperately looking for his own.

"Gi-!" I didn't let Sanji attract the boy's attention or object as I grabbed the other mask and forced it on his face just before the gas poured out of the bomb. But Sanji just wouldn't hold still! I had to pin his shoulder to the ground with my free hand to keep him from struggling. For being so injured, he had a helluva lot of fight left in him.

I began to cough. I almost forgot about the poison gas. "San…ji…" I managed, beginning to feel the effects of the poison. My head started to spin and my vision blurred. The gas was meant to kill the senses before killing the body, so the victim would die feeling nothing except emptiness. Somehow, though, it wasn't empty for me, because I could still hear Sanji, feel his hands pulling at my arms, I could even feel his pain, though it was clouded by fear, confusion, and anger.

"Gin!" I could hear his muffled yell through the mask.

'That's it,' I thought. 'Keep talking to me…keep me awake…'

"Why?" he asked, and I could just barely picture his face in my mind, a pitiful yet beautiful mix of pain and confusion.

"I'm…sorry…" I coughed out, tasting my own blood in my mouth. I had to concentrate. I had to talk to him, keep myself from dying. If I died, who'd make sure Sanji made it out alright? "For the first time…since I can remember…when you gave me that meal…when you…listened to me…I felt like someone actually cared…"

"Isn't that worth living for? It's not too late! We can share the mask! Take turns having it!" Sanji pleaded, feebly continuing to try and pull my arms away.

"Nothing is worth living for…if your captain doesn't want you to live at all…" I broke into a fit of coughs. The coughs were small, but every one felt as if they were pulling my body apart. How long had we been in that poisoned fog? It felt like forever. But I wasn't giving up.

"That's not true!" Sanji fought harder, I don't know where he got the strength. "Gin! Please don't die!" And it was all I needed to hear to make me wish that I didn't choose to die. All I needed to regret ever listening to Don Krieg when he told me to throw that mask away. It couldn't come from just anyone, either. Only Sanji could have changed my mind so abruptly with those three simple words. But it was too late. The fog started to clear as my body finally started to give into the poison.

Sanji could feel my sudden weakness. I knew it because he started to sound panicky. "Gin! Get off me!" he screamed at me. "Gin!" My body was already wavering. I could barely register his muffled voice anymore.

"Hey! Where's your gas mask?" the rubber boy shouted. He really wasn't very bright if he couldn't figure out where that mask went. Finally, when I was sure the fog was gone, I let myself go. I didn't expect the sudden force of the poison I had been fighting to hit me so hard. When I opened my mouth, nothing but blood came out, and I felt it dripping from my nose as well. The sheer power of the poison caused me to pitch, the gasmask falling from my hands onto the deck of the ship.

"Gin!" Sanji screamed in horror, and I was just vaguely aware of his arms catching me before I hit the deck. Even more vaguely, I could make out Don Krieg's laughter in the background, and it hit me. He was laughing at me. He was laughing at my death.

"D-Don Krieg?" I managed, nothing but his laughter filling my fading senses. No, that's not true; his laughter wasn't the last thing I heard.

The last thing I heard before blacking out was Sanji's voice, "Gin…" After that, nothing but darkness.

It was because of Sanji's further kindness that I was able to take Don Krieg back to our fleet for help. Apparently, when I hauled Don and the rest of the crew back to the fleet it was enough to redeem myself for my betrayal. We docked at a nasty town that Don practically owned for some rest and relaxation before we set sail for our revenge on the rubber boy's ship and crew. I actually found myself half hoping that Sanji had taken up the kid's offer to become the ship's cook as I sat on the side of one of the docks there in town. I guess it's kind of pathetic that I'd hoped he'd become an enemy just so I could see him again, but that's about how desperate I was.

"You're thinking about him again," Don Krieg said, walking up behind me. I looked at him a bit surprised. He didn't startle me, I was too used to him approaching unannounced for him to do so. It was just a bit scary how he could practically read my mind sometimes.

"I'm sorry, Don," I apologized. Honestly, I shouldn't have had to, but I really didn't want to piss him off again.

"Think about him all you want," Don responded, surprising me yet again. "Just don't let your emotions get in the way of your duties next time."

"Yes, sir," I said almost automatically.

"And next time, if I tell you to kill the bastard, then you will kill him or I will make sure you don't come out alive again," Don Krieg continued.

"Yes, sir," there was that automated response again. Though, honestly, I didn't really know what I was going to do if Don ordered me to kill Sanji again. Probably say no, but would I choose death again?

As Don Krieg left, that thought played through my head. What would Sanji do? Sanji was willing to die to _save_ Zeff, but what would he have done if Zeff asked him to die just because Zeff wanted him to? I smirked as the answer seemed to come so obviously to me. I could picture Sanji flipping the head chef off yelling, "Fuck off, Crap-Geezer!"

But I'm not Sanji, and Don Krieg is no Chef Zeff. Zeff may take that with doing nothing much past kicking Sanji around for a bit, but if I ever refused even death again the captain…well, I didn't want to think of what he'd do to me.

I'd been dreaming about him. It was a good thing I didn't share a cabin with anyone, too, because they were dreams _I_ didn't even know I wanted. Dreams consisting of doing…unholy things to Sanji. I couldn't help it. He was like an angel. A smart assed, cigarette-smoking, rude little pirate angel. I smirked. 'Yep,' I thought, 'Sounds like just my type.'

Despite all of his negatives, which are few and far between, he's one of the most perfect humans I ever met. Not an ounce of demon in him, yet a good enough fighter to take out most men twice his size. A face like an angel, well dressed, hair always in order. If there was ever such a thing as _too _perfect, he would be it. He even has a good, generous heart. Most of all, he's well dressed, which is both a good thing and a bad thing. Good because a man can usually be judged by how he dresses, which means that he certainly is as good as I thought if that's true. The bad is that if he's wearing those damned clothes, how the hell am I supposed to see him naked?

'No, bad image!' I thought desperately. Well, okay, good image, in fact _very_ good image, but in a bad way. Even if he did like men, I didn't deserve him. He seemed to have some kind of interest in that swordsman, that Zorro. God, I wished for that stupid swordsman to go to hell at that moment.

Sure, uncalled for. However, all I could think was, 'What does that swordsman have that I don't?' I frowned at myself, knowing full well what Zorro had that could make Sanji choose him over me. He was, for lack of a better term, a bad-ass. Bad-ass looks, bad-ass talk, bad-ass fighter, bad-ass everything. How could Sanji not want Zorro? Zorro was handsome and strong, and at the same time noble and moral in a very lone wolf way.

I sighed and closed my eyes, trying not to think of it. But as I looked into the darkness behind my closed eyes, I saw what I feared most. I saw Zorro reaching toward Sanji, beckoning him to forget about me. I saw myself pleading for Sanji to stay with me, but Sanji smiled piteously at me before taking Zorro's hand and leaving me alone again.

I stood up, no longer able to sit where thoughts of Sanji would haunt me. I had to do something to take my mind off of him, so I wandered farther into the village. My mind was soon cured of its torture, but I could never have known that I would be seeing Sanji sooner than I thought.


End file.
